Thu 27 Aug 2020: blades, baptism, but no buggery

As well as theatres, I also frequently visit London’s many museums in normal times. They are starting to re-open, along with galleries. However, some are only partial re-openings (the British Museum is only opening their ground floor, for example) and there is a trend to force visitors to take pre-determined routes around the displays, and discouragement from going back to see something from earlier on your route. For this reason I’ve not yet visited any of the larger institutions.

But I’ve been meaning to visit the Garden Museum for a while. I saw that they have a temporary exhibition (until the 20th of September) about Derek Jarman’s garden at Dungeness which also includes some of his art works. It’s a teeny tiny museum, so if it’s open at all it’s all open. Hurrah!

The Jarman exhibition, which is small but well put together, is very good and worth a visit on its own. Alas, no copy of Sebastiane playing on a continuous loop, but I imagine that the museum’s landlord, the Diocese of Southwark, would disapprove. The rest of the museum, their permanent collection and displays, left me a bit cold. I’m not really a gardener though – I like gardens but don’t enjoy gardening – so maybe I’m not their audience. They do have a small but interesting collection of historical tools, especially mechanical improvements to simple hand tools such as multi-bladed trimmers.

The building itself is a fairly uninteresting mostly mid-19th century church, deconsecrated in the 1970s. It has one interesting feature, an immersion font set in the floor. It is apparently one of only two such beasts in Anglican churches in England, as most Anglicans baptise with a mere sprinkling.

Fri 21 Aug 2020: first theatre

I normally go to the theatre at least once a month, to big professional shows such as put on by the English National Opera or elsewhere in the West End, to regional theatres, to some of the tiny pub-theatres around London, and even occasionally to amateur community theatre. But my last was at the beginning of March. The big theatres are still closed. They’re allowed to open but with much reduced capacity, and a combination of that smaller capacity being loss-making and that they need lots of time to rehearse, and maybe to re-write to enable actors and technicians to work safely means that I’m only aware of one of the big theatres reopening. That exception is the Bridge Theatre, one which is exceptionally commercially driven, and even there they’re only putting on one man shows, which are much less complex to rehearse and stage.

For the last several months London has been a theatre desert, something unseen since the interregnum over 350 years ago. I have been watching theatre online, as the National Theatre put quite a bit of content on Youtube, there’s been Operavision, the Royal Opera, and Glyndebourne, and many smaller theatres have put stuff online from their back-catalogue. But there’s been no live theatre, and live theatre is always better than filmed theatre.

But today, I went to see local amateur theatre! Live! A short version of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat, put on in their car park after just two weeks of rehearsals by Croydon Youth Theatre Organisation with a very young cast. It was … patchy. The very brief rehearsal period accounts for much of that. Some of the dance numbers were hampered by being performed on rough Tarmac instead of a stage, and being outdoors in high wind meant that they struggled to be heard sometimes.

But none of that matters. It was live theatre, put on by a cast whose enthusiasm was infectious. I understand that theatre barely happens in state schools these days, and in a relatively deprived area like the north of Croydon many children will have hardly any opportunities to go to the theatre, never mind take part in a production. CYTO does important work to supplement education and personal development, and to train its older members in technical skills. Even if the show had been a colossal flop CYTO’s work would still be worth supporting.

Mon 17 Aug 2020: chafing at the bit

I’ve been back at work part-time for a week, working half my normal hours, and despite joking about how horrible it is to experience mornings again it’s not been too bad. It took me a few days to get back up to speed as there was a huge backlog of correspondence and I wanted to at least glance at everything that had been done in my absence. The usual meetings where my team keeps each other informed of progress, plan our work and so on, all of which are useful, take an annoyingly large proportion of my time given my reduced hours, but they are necessary.

On Saturday I was umpiring again, in Malden this time. One of my father’s cousins lives very close to the ground so I invited him and his wife to come and watch, and then went to dinner and a good chinwag at their house afterwards. Quite a bit of our nattering was about what we’d been up to in these strange times, as expected, but also about how they and everyone else were beginning to chafe at the bit. When people like them, community-minded law-abiding people, a retired engineer and someone who works in a medical practice, are getting to resent their loss of liberties – and are putting it quite clearly in those terms – it is clear that any significant re-imposition of restrictions will not be tolerated by the population as a whole.

A little while back there was talk that the schools must reopen in September, and that we could either have schools open or pubs open. The logical conclusion was that pubs must close. But I do not think that would go down well! Not only would the child-less majority of adults resent it, you have to remember that pubs and restaurants re-opened because to not have them open would do terrible harm, socially and economically, to the very large number of low-paid workers who staff them. As much as the whining twitterati hate it, the government has had to, and will have to, accept that some deaths are a price worth paying for reduced harm elsewhere, and that life and happiness do in fact have a finite value that can be expressed in pounds and pence.

The actuaries and liberals in my vast audience will, of course, all be going “well duh”.

Mon 3 Aug 2020: returning to work

It looks like I’ll be returning to work next week, working – and being paid at full rate for – half of my normal hours until the end of October, and then back to full time from November. The other half of my hours will continue to be paid by the “job retention scheme” although how exactly the various percentages and caps and whatnot work is unclear right now, I’ve seen at least three different ways of calculating it.

My last day at work was the 9th of April, so it will have been almost exactly four months of not working, then two and a bit months of half time.

For ages I’ve been saying – truthfully – that I’ve enjoyed furlough, but I am glad to be getting back. Unlike many people I’ve been able to trim my outgoings back a lot without my lifestyle being especially affected, primarily through taking a mortgage holiday and haven’t had to rely on savings or borrow to make ends meet, but even so, not paying the mortgage for several months means that when I do start paying it back again my payments will be about 10% higher than they were previously because of the extra interest that is due on the capital I didn’t pay back.

Things are going to be Interesting for my employer for at least the rest of this year. Hopefully my currently rather dim memories of how things worked, where everything is, and what I was working on when I stopped, will come back quickly, but it will still take me a little while to get back up to speed with where I was, and I was still very much a neophyte. But I have also been accruing holiday entitlement at the usual rate throughout all this, and not used any of it as all the events that I was planning to take time off for have been cancelled. There’s a corporate policy of not carrying leave over from one year to the next, so unless that’s changed I’m effectively only going to be on half time even when November comes! And it’s not just me in this boat – everyone coming back will be affected so some degree, and I expect that even amongst the employees who continued working full time all the way through there will have been a lot less holiday taken than in a normal year. Something that I think I shall have to discuss with The Boss when I speak to him to sort out what my hours are going to be.

Tue 28 Jul 2020: trips to normality

As I wrote about last week, professional sport is tentatively returning. I went to the Surrey/Middlesex warm-up match yesterday. They had opened up part of the Vauxhall end of the ground, blocks 16 to 20. One thousand tickets were available each day to members, with allocated seating. Every second row was in use, with two empty seats between groups of attendees from the same household. I know that on Sunday all the tickets were quickly taken up. They weren’t taken up quite as quickly for the Monday, but even so, it certainly looked from a quick count/estimate that there were about a thousand people.

This of course meant that there were more people than is normal for a multi-day match, crammed into a small area instead of being spread out all around the ground. I suppose that was necessary for the trial, and they’re repeating it next weekend with more people – 2,500 on each day.

There were, notably, comments from the club’s CEO about it not being sustainable. There was about a 10:1 ratio of spectators to staff when you count all the stewards, security, catering, bar, and cleaners. and I’m not sure if that ratio includes the players, physios, coaches etc. The larger trial will presumably have a better ratio. Of course, multi-day county cricket isn’t financially sustainable anyway, it only survives because of income from the national team and cross-subsidy from the lesser forms of the game, which is presumably why Surrey were happy to be a guinea-pig. I’m sure that a rugby league club, on the other hand, wouldn’t want to go anywhere near it once they looked at the staffing costs for putting on a match with spectators in the current climate.

And then today I went to the cinema for the first time in ages. I saw The County, by the same director as the excellent Rams. It was good, but I wasn’t sure about the ambiguous ending and wonder if it could have been cut short two scenes earlier to end on a solid up-beat note. It being an early afternoon showing the experience was not really any different from in normal times: there was hardly anyone there, and the Curzon Mayfair staff were courteous and efficient as always. But the journey there and back was still very different from normal. The mid-day train was about as busy as normal, although I did notice that train passengers seem to do a better job of masking up than bus passengers. Victoria station was perhaps a little quieter than normal, and the bus station was practically deserted. Walking through the streets from Picadilly to the cinema was like a ghost town. Several cafes were trying to put a brave face on things and were open but they had very little custom, and there was hardly another soul walking around even on normally-busy Picadilly itself.

Judging from traffic levels – broadly back to normal, although public transport isn’t busy, so it seems lots of people are driving instead of using it and that consequently means that lots of those who normally use cars aren’t traveling at all – and combining that with the above it seems that business is still well down, and that those people who are going to work in town are only doing that, they’re not going out for lunch or hanging around afterwards.

Sat 25 Jul 2020: cricket, less briefly

Today was the first fixture of my truncated cricket league season, at the Spencer Club in Wandsworth. Light rain started about three quarters of the way through the first innings, and I took the players off after 38.3 of the scheduled 40 overs when it got heavier. And just in time too, as the heavens opened moments after the made it to the shelter of the pavilion. There was no sign of conditions improving so it wasn’t long before the captains agreed to abandon the game.

There are several temporary regulations for club cricket introduced for this season to help prevent the spread of The Lurgi, most of which don’t really affect the game as it is played. Off the field, numbers in club houses are restricted, changing rooms are closed (people are expected to turn up in their whites, although in practice people just change at pitchside), and worst of all there’s no cricket tea. On the field, players aren’t allowed to use sweat or saliva to shine the ball (the ECB’s national regulations make that a level one offence, but the league regs remove the penalty), the fielding team is supposed to pass the ball directly back to the bowler once it is dead (in practice it tends to go via one other player, as it is Hard for a wicket-keeper to throw the ball from his gloves), us umpires aren’t allowed to hold items of clothing for bowlers (so I’m allowing them to leave them behind the base of the bowler’s end stumps, with the understanding that if they interfere with play there would be penalty runs), and finally we’re supposed to clean the ball every six overs. I forgot about the last one but talked about it in my club’s Whatsapp group to make sure we don’t forget next time.

Wed 22 Jul 2020: live professional sport

There is a tentative plan to open up professional sporting events to live audiences starting at the beginning of October, if things go well at a few “test events”. One of those tests is to be a friendly two day cricket match between Surrey and Middlesex, on Sunday the 26th and Monday the 27th of this month. And I’ve got a ticket for the Monday!

The match is only open to Surrey members. Normally there would only be a few hundred people at one of these matches anyway, as Proper Cricket doesn’t attract the crowds that the short attention span version of the game does, and many people are only members so that they are guaranteed tickets for internationals. But in this case, after so long without any live sport, I’m sure that just about all 13,500 members will want be there.

I understand that they’re using the OCS Stand (at the Vauxhall end of the ground) for the test. That has a capacity of 13,850, but I expect that they’ll only open every second row of seats, and only every second or third seat in the rows that are open, reducing capacity to no more than a quarter of that. That makes it a good test, but unfortunately it also means that I could only get a ticket for one of the two days. Ho hum. I’ll try phoning again tomorrow, see if there are any tickets left for the Sunday.

Thu 16 Jul 2020: drugs and sport

I’ve been volunteering at the local food bank for lo these many months now, but this week I’m doing some different work for them. We have one volunteer who normally handles all the pickups and deliveries from local pharmacies, but he’s done himself a mischief so I’m taking that duty over for the next week or two. There’s a lot of faffing about and filling in forms, and I’m sure I’m going to end up On A List (well, On Another List) as just today alone I signed for a whole bunch of controlled substances. Also got plenty of exercise going up to the sixth floor of a block of flats when I couldn’t find the lift.

And my cricket season starts on Sunday! At my local club there were some intra-mural matches last weekend to select teams. I wasn’t available all day so didn’t umpire, I just spectated for an hour or so. They’ve got friendlies this Saturday, when again I’m unavailable for umpiring, but I’ve got a friendly down in Sussex to umpire on Sunday, and then a mid-week T20. That should get my eye in ready for the shortened league season starting on the 25th.

Update: The T20 tomorrow has also been cancelled. Bother!

Wed 8 Jul 2020: return to pub!

I’ve been getting takeaway beer and cider from the Crown & Anchor for a few weeks now, and they re-opened at the weekend for on-sales. I didn’t go, because they weren’t going to take table bookings and it’s a long way to go only to be told “nah mate, yer can’t come in”. So my first pub trip for lo these many moons was yesterday evening at Craft Beer Brixton. Just being in a pub for a few hours talking bollocks and playing Go was wonderful! As much as online video chats and virtual pubs have been keeping the nation going, getting the pubs open will have made a lot of people very happy. Not just all those who can now work again (vitally important, employment is the best vaccine against poverty, which is a huge killer) but also people like me who have desperately missed having a real face-to-face social life.

When getting takeaways from the pub in recent times I’ve driven there myself, but yesterday I was obviously going to get into a state where I couldn’t drive, so I had to use public transport. There’s supposed to be regulations about wearing face masks on buses, and indeed there are plenty of vinyl decals both inside and out telling people this. I estimate that only half of passengers were using them. Bus drivers weren’t doing anything about it.